hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
