drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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