Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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