Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
