Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
