just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
