what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Randomize
