I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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