chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
