My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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