I'm laying in your front yard are you home
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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