So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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