Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
