Non-Jews are for practice
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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