She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
