Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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