1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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