??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
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There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
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If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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