yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
