bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
