singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
