I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
