Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
