I murdered the dance floor call the cops
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
