her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
