Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
