we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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