That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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