Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Did I show you my penis last night?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Randomize
