So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
