Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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