Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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