She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
