i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
