I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
