hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
