i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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