You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
