I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
