just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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