I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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