My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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