I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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