Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You can't just leave with hair like that
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
