jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
