the room spins SO much faster in panama
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
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Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
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Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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