Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
