The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
