If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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