Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
