smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
