but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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