why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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