Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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