Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
