I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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