Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
