im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
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He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
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Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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