if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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