At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
