Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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