who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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