Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
