I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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