is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
