Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
