My room smells like vodka and shame
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
