why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
