Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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