Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
