The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
