i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
