I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
