Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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