i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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