Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
