well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I smell like Dick and happiness
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