you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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