I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
