He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We don't watch enough power rangers
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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