I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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