i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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