Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
thus making me awesome and them whores
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
