The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You're like the curious george of whores
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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