Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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