So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
