I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
do herpes really smell.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
